© 2017 by IFP

Three Things Every Wife Needs From Her Husband

October 6, 2018

 

 

We all have needs – physical, emotional, and even spiritual. 

 

When our needs are met we thrive.  When our needs are not met, we wilt.

 

 

Here are 3 important needs every woman has as a wife. 

Husbands, ask yourself, "Am I consistently meeting these needs for my wife?"

 

If so, keep up the good work.  If not, make a commitment to begin doing so.  She deserves it.

 

 

I.  PROTECT Her

 

Your wife needs to know you will do all you can to physically protect her. 

The world feels more unsafe than ever.  Letting your wife know you will be there to defend her in potentially unsafe circumstances gives her a sense of security. 

 

This is not about being a black belt martial artist.  It is about her knowing that you will always make her protection a #1 priority.

 

Protection is not limited to physical protection.  As husbands, our wives also desire emotional protection.  The best way to protect your wife emotionally is to not be guilty yourself of hurting her with critical and harsh words.  Compliment her on her appearance and accomplishments regularly.

 

Defend her when others criticize her or gossip about her – including your own parents, her parents, and other family members.  Defend her honor when you hear of others criticizing her.

 

 

II.  SPEND TIME with Her

 

We invest our time and energy into the things we love most.

 

Husband – if you never spend one-on-one time with your wife, what is the message you are sending her?  Having talked and counseled with 100's of wives  the years here is the message they get from you:

 

Your lack of time spent with me says you don’t deeply love me or care about me.”

 

That’s harsh – but most women I know tell me this is the conclusion they reach.  If you spend the majority of your free time fishing, hunting, bowling, or any other of the thousands of activities that can occupy our time – rest assured, you are sending your wife a strong message.  The message:

 

All these activites and things are more important to you than your own wife is.  And that hurts me at a very deep level."

 

It’s all about balance.  Your hobbies are fine until you cross the line and they become more important than your wife.

 

She NEEDS to feel that she is MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU than anything else in your life.

 

You choosing to spend time with her instead of your hobbies sends the clear message that SHE is more important than anything else in your life.

 

 

III.  COMMUNICATE with Her

 

Spending time with her is one way you communicate with your wife.  But she wants and needs more. 

 

Sitting on the couch together watching TV and not saying a word to one another falls in the ‘better than nothing’ category of spending time together.

 

But, most wives need MORE than that.  Your wife needs to talk with you at the emotionally ‘feeling’ level.   Sorry guys, there is no way around this fact.

 

For most women, deeper level communication builds trust.  This is because revealing feelings can be risky.  We make ourselves vulnerable to others when we talk about our emotions. 

 

Making yourself vulnerable says to your wife, ‘I’m trusting you by revealing my inner feelings to you.”   In turn, this makes your wife feel important and special  - and maybe most important of all – it makes her feel CLOSER to you.

 

Marriage expert Dave Willis says:

 

“Every one of your words and every action is either building more of her trust or eroding her trust in you. Remove distractions and make communication a high priority.”  [1]

 

How Do You Talk at the Emotional Level

  • Start sentences with “I feel…”, or, "I'm feeling...". 

  • Start sentences with, “I’m really struggling with ____________.”

Husbands – keep the communication focused on YOUR feelings.  Don’t use your negative feelings to verbally berate your wife in a blame-your-wife-for-everything-bad-in-your-life tirade.

 

**************************************************************************

 

 

Christianly Speaking

 

i.  Protect Her

 

Husbands, God commands that we are to love our wives the way Jesus loved the church.

 

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her(NIV)

 

Jesus put the church first and was willing to die for the church.  He is our perfect example of being willing to PROTECT our wives

 

 

ii.  Spend Time with Her 

 

Jesus taught, "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."  (Matthew 6:21, KJV)

 

Or, as the TPT version paraphrases it:

 

"For your heart will always pursue what you value as your treasure."

 

Guys, if you make your wife the most important thing in your life your heart will automatically be focused on her.

 

 

iii.  Communicate With Her

 

When you don't communicate you close your self off from another person.  It’s like shutting a door in your wife’s face.  This is very unhealthy and causes damage to your marriage.

 

The Bible says,

"Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them."  (Colossians 3:19, NIV)

 

To love someone is to meet their needs.  This is the definition of agape love that Jesus taught.

 

Women need deeper level conversation from their husbands.  I promise you – when you fail to communicate with your wife it feels emotionally harsh to her. 

 

She wants to be a part of your life, but this is impossible without feeling-level communication on your part.

 

 

***************************************************************************

 

The Bottom Line

 

Husbands, like anything else in life, a good marriage takes your time and attention.

 

Make a serious and daily effort to:

 

1)  Protect Your Wife (let her know you will)

 

2)  Spend Time with Your Wife

 

3)  Communicate and Share Feelings with Your Wife

 

 

 

Before You Go

 

Thank you for reading to the end of this article. 

 

I’m looking for 5 good souls – just 5, who will ‘like’, ‘share’, or ‘comment’ so that a few more people on FaceBook might be able to read this post.   

 

We all know there are many unhappy marriages in the world today.

What if the encouragements in this post save just 1 marriage?  Then your small effort would be worth it.

 

Will you give me a little help?!

 

Thanks in advance for doing 1 small thing to make a big difference!   

 

 

For the family,

 

--dr. bill

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reference

 

[1] http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/4-things-every-wife-desires-from-her-husband

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Reference

 

[1] http://www.patheos.com/blogs/davewillis/4-things-every-wife-desires-from-her-husband

 

 

 

 

 

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