[Help Category: Improving Your Marriage]
It is not possible in our present culture for married men to avoid being around other women. Woman are entrenched in most every sector of the workforce. They are our employees and our bosses and everything in-between.
The Challenge of Interacting Daily With Other Women
Opposite sex attraction is a fact of life. It is in our biology to be attracted to members of the opposite gender. This attraction leads us to find a mate and get married. This attraction leads us to stay married to our spouse.
Married men have made a vow to be faithful to their wives. The problem is some husbands admit they sometimes feel an attraction to women besides their wife. The attraction can be physical or emotional.
The danger is obvious. Attraction can turn to lust. Webster defines lust as an intense or unbridled sexual desire. Lust, for any woman besides your wife, is a relationship pipe bomb, with potentially life-altering consequences..
Lust for another woman opens the gate that can lead to the end of a marriage and a lifetime of hurt for everyone involved.
Husbands, please don’t ever walk through this gate.
Stop It at the Attraction Stage
Since a married man can find himself attracted to another woman, and that attraction can turn to lust, and lust can lead to adultery, and adultery can lead to the destruction of that man’s life…
– the problem must be disarmed at the attraction stage.
Avoiding women is not an option for most men. Other women are present in most married men’s lives. It is rare when a man can take the attitude, “I will just avoid being around other women – problem solved”.
For most men there is only one way to deal with the potential problem of unwanted attraction:
Face it head-on.
'OTHER WOMAN ATTRACTION' BUSTERS
Consider the Following Suggestions for Stopping 'Other Woman Attraction':
I. Remember Your Commitment
When you spoke your wedding vows you made a public commitment to your wife and to your God. Do you remember your vows?
Maybe it’s time to go over those vows in your mind. Were you lying when you spoke them? No? Good. This means you meant them.
ii. Honor Your Commitment
There is a difference between remembering a commitment and honoring one.
Honor, as a verb, means “to fulfill an obligation, to keep an agreement”.
Husbands, are you a man of your word? Keeping one’s word and commitment used to mean something. It still should.
iii. Keep Your Head On Straight
It is all about attitude. Our attitudes act as gatekeepers to what thoughts and behaviors are acceptable and not acceptable in our life.
The truth is many husbands do not struggle with attraction to other woman. Why is this not an issue for these men? I have talked with husbands who do not believe it is even possible for a man to never feel ‘other-woman-attraction’. But plenty of men never feel this attraction.
I believe husbands who are not attracted to other women have a set of clear and firm beliefs (attitudes) about faithfulness and commitment to their marriage.
Unfaithfulness is not an option to these husbands. Neither is divorce. As a result, these two attitudes act as a strong mental and emotional boundary, cementing their commitment to their wives, in both heart and mind.
1) Answer This Question
Husbands – if you experience attraction to other women you need to work on changing your attitude towards your wife and your marriage.
Start with this Question:
What qualities about your wife’s personality attracted you to her when you were dating her?
After years of marriage it is easy to take for granted, or even forget, what it was about your wife that made you attracted to her over all the other women.
This remembrance can be a powerful beginning to retuning your attitude to what it was on your wedding day. On that day your chose your wife over every other woman in the world. On that day, she was the only choice for you. It can be that way again.
2) Say This Affirmation Several Times a Day:
"I love my wife. Because I love my wife my desire and devotion will be only for her, and no one else."
It does not matter if you are really feeling love for her at the moment or not. Repeat this phrase as sincerely as you can every day. Many times.
God clearly teaches that a husband is to love and cherish his wife all the days they are together. To do this husbands must establish and keep a firm, clear boundary in their relationships with women who are not their wives. This boundary begins in the MIND.
Crossing the boundary can lead to the ultimate failure of a husband – adultery. Adultery is a sin that will never be acceptable to God.
Hebrews 13:4 says,
"All of you should honor marriage. You should keep the marriage bed pure. God will judge the person who commits adultery. He will judge everyone who commits sexual sins." (NIRV)
Husbands, your wife has devoted her life to you. She deserves, and God expects, you to do the same for her.
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