• Dr. Bill Walker

Husband – 5 Traits Your Wife Desires In You

Husbands – How can you be the man your wife wants you to be?

The first step is finding out WHAT character traits women find desirable in a husband.

We have the top 5 answers here!

Any husband worth his salt should want to be a man his wife finds desirable.

What DO women find desirable in their men?

When over 1000 woman were asked what character traits they found most desirable in a man 5 key traits emerged.

1) Faithfulness

84% of the women surveyed said this was of great importance to them.

Husband, this should come as no surprise. Your wife wants you to be devoted to her in way you are not closely devoted to any other woman in your life.

Female best friends, coworkers, even your own mother, should take second place to your devotion to your wife. Your wife should NEVER feel like she has to compete with any other person for your faithfulness to her.

AND – she wants you to demonstrate your faithfulness to her. At every opportunity, tell her and show her she is the #1 oject of your faithfulness.


Choose being with her over opportunities to do things with your buddies. Sure, there will be times where you do things with friends and family, but it should not occur so much that she begins to doubt that you prefer being with her over other people /things in your life.

2) Dependability

Your wife needs to KNOW she can count on you.

3 of every 4 of those surveyed said they find a man who follows through on his word to be desirable. A relationship is a team effort. Each partner needs to know they can depend on the other.

This is especially true when children are involved. If you say you will pick the kids up from gymnastics your wife needs to be able to not give it a second thought that you will. While being irresponsible can be an eye-rolling inconvenience to your wife in some cases, it can be a downright danger in others.

We're talking about the 'your 4 and 6 y.o. daughters standing by themselves at dark outside a closed gym in a high crime area of town waiting for you to pick them up because you "got busy and forgot" ' kind of danger.

3) Kindness

7 of every 10 women in the survey said they want a man who is kind. Perhaps the best way to understand kindness is to consider its opposite. Words commonly listed as the opposite of kindness include: Meanness – Hatred – Hostility – Thoughtlessness -Harshness. Get the picture? NO ONE should want to be in a relationship with a man whose life is defined by these qualities. Nothing good can come from these ungodly character traits in a person.

4) Moral Integrity

Again, about 7/10 women said they highly desire this trait in a man.

More than anything moral integrity is about being willing to always tell the truth – especially to your wife.

The women surveyed felt that if you are willing to always be honest with her “you'll have the guts to be a good, caring partner over the long haul”.

A husband who is not willing to be honest with his wife is a man who IS willing to be dishonest with her. Telling lies to your wife destroys the trust your wife has for you. A relationship without trust will be a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship.

No wife deserves to live like this.

5) Fatherliness

Maybe somewhat of a surprise the character trait of fatherliness was the fifth most common desired trait by women in the survey. Chosen by 1 of every 2 women surveyed, fatherliness is having qualities that benefit and ensure the raising of socially and emotionally healthy children.

These qualities include being caring and patient with children, as well as being a good role model for them.


Christianly Speaking

Faithfulness - Dependability - Kindness - Moral Integrity & Fatherliness are all Biblical character traits.

God teaches us, through His Word, to add all these virtues to who we are as His people.

A few examples of His teachings on these traits:

1) Faithfulness

"Marriage is to be honored by all, and husbands and wives must be faithful to each other. God will judge those who are immoral and those who commit adultery." (Hebrews 13:4)

2) Dependability

"Anyone who can be trusted in little matters can also be trusted in important matters. But anyone who is dishonest in little matters will be dishonest in important matters." (Luke 16:10)

3) Kindness

"God has chosen you and made you his holy people. He loves you. So always do these things: Show mercy to others; be kind, humble, gentle, and patient." (Colossians 3:12)

4) Moral Integrity

"Brothers and sisters, continue to think about what is good and worthy of praise. Think about what is true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected." (Philippians 4:8)

5) Fatherliness

"Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Ephesians 6:4).

Living life from a Christian worldview means these traits define who we are as Christian husbands. (and wives)


The Bottom Line

Husbands - these character traits are not optional! NOT because the women of this survey say so but because these traits have been universally proven as necessary for creating and maintaining emotionally strong and happy marriages.

WHICH one of these traits is most lacking in your life? Identify it and then make a conscious commitment to greatly improving in this area.

Try This: (let's use 'dependability' as your weak area)

1) Your Game plan: "I will become a more dependable person - especially with my wife."

2) Ask for your wife's input. "Honey, I am trying to become more dependable for you. Give me 1 specific area (task) where I can focus on becoming more dependable."

3) Identify: What are some specific examples of HOW I failed to be dependable in this area (see #2) in the past?

4) Come up with a plan to change the decisions and steps that kept you from being dependable at this particular task.

Ex: You have to pick the kids up from band practice at 6 pm every Tuesday. You are always 30 minutes late because you try to work until 5:45 - KNOWING the traffic always becomes bumper to bumper by 5:30.

Solution: You will leave at 5:15, instead if 5:45, every Tuesday to pick up the kids. To commit your self to doing this you write out a contract on a piece of paper where you promise to do this and sign it. You hang the contract on the family fridge as a constant reminder to the entire family of your commitment.

Before You Go

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For the Family,

--dr. bill